


The Chemicals Between Us

by OnTheGround2012



Series: Save Me [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Apologies, Decisions, Difficult Decisions, Emotional Hurt, Hurt, M/M, Relationship(s), Romance, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6439111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnTheGround2012/pseuds/OnTheGround2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Stiles's addiction returns, Jackson supports him until he realizes that he can't let him drag him down with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Chemicals Between Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MohRod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MohRod/gifts), [Blue_Five](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Five/gifts).



> This is very different from my series ["All I Saw Was You"](http://archiveofourown.org/series/170408) or ["No Infinity"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3129602) although Jackson and Stiles have problems in those stories as well... but I think this is the most painful thing I've written so far. 
> 
> I had said I needed a break to study but recently I had been thinking a lot about the ["Save Me Fanmix + Prompt"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1021142) I posted three years ago which I've always loved and, when I saw the prompt "scream," I decided to take a break and try to write the idea I had for that fanmix. 
> 
> This is a standalone but I'm making the fanmix part 2 so that they are together.
> 
> This was written for prompt #166 - Scream [at Fullmoon ficlet](http://fullmoon-ficlet.livejournal.com/386155.html).
> 
> Thanks so much to my betas for this story: QueenOfCrazy, Sidleupandsmile and Eyesxsewnxopenx. I couldn't have shared this without their help.
> 
> Title from Bush's ["The Chemicals Between Us."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIINldS8a1s)

"Jackson, please, don't go!" Jackson hears the scream coming from their bedroom seconds before Stiles catches up with him at his office. An obviously underweight Stiles wearing a plaid shirt and black jeans that look too big on him. And with hair that has grown too long and circles around his eyes.

"Don't leave me," Stiles whimpers. "Just... give another chance, okay?"

Jackson looks at him but there's nothing else he can say at this point anymore.

"Is this what you want, do you want me to beg?" Stiles opens his arms wide as tears start to fall down his cheeks uncontrollably.

"Please, Stiles, don't make it more difficult than it has to be." 

Jackson knew this would be hard but watching Stiles in this state really breaks his heart in a million pieces and makes him doubt himself for a moment.

"I. Love. You," Stiles stresses every word.

"I can't live without you, don't you know that?" Stiles asks running his hand through his hair, wiping the tears away with his fingers the best way he can.

"I love you too." Jackson stops for a minute, after placing his laptop in a bag where he's been putting the most important stuff he needs for work that week. His suitcase with clothes for a few days is already in the living room near the door.

"More than you'll ever know... and that's why I've tried to help you. I've fucking fought for us!" Jackson says, raising his voice. 

"I've tried really hard. I've done everything I could and it hasn't been enough. We can't go on like this. We just can't." Jackson says tiredly.

"You've been talking to Danny, haven't you? He's been putting all these things in you head. Of course, he has... he hates me!" Stiles says louder than he intended.

"Danny has nothing to do this! And he doesn't hate you," Jackson says upset.

"The hell he hasn't! He's never liked me or my band. He hates my music and he hates me because he wants you all for himself. He's always wanted you and this is his chance, isn't it? I'm sure you're going to his place as soon as you are out of that door -"

"That's enough!" Jackson interrupts him, "I won't let you talk that way about him. He doesn't deserve it. He's my best friend, of course he cares about me, but nothing is ever gonna happen between us and he _knows_ that." Jackson sighs. 

"Remember that night when you were so high in that bar, that you couldn't even call to tell me where you were at three in the morning? I was a nervous wreck and I called him in the middle of the night and he came to help me find you. That's the kind of guy he is, and believe it or not, he cares about what happens to you too."

"What about the night I found out you were using again? I was a fucking mess. I called him and he told me to stay strong, that we could beat this together, you and I... but we _can't_. We _can't_ , Stiles. I don't trust you anymore. This whole thing... our relationship is no longer healthy. I can't remember that last time I had a full night sleep... I keep waking up to check that you're lying next to me... I wonder what you're doing when I'm at work..." Jackson says shaking his head.

"I told you yesterday. I'm going back to rehab... I'll go tomorrow if you want me to, okay?" Stiles sounds desperate, but like he knows it's useless at the same time, like he's aware that there's nothing he can do to change his mind.

Jackson snorts and shakes his head before looking back at Stiles. 

"The thing is that you need to stay clean _for you_. Go to rehab if you want to go but don't do it for me. Do it for you... do it for your father, for Scott, for your band... but it's too late for us." 

Tears are starting to fall down Stiles's cheeks again and it rips Jackson's heart apart. He needs to look away from Stiles's eyes before his resolution is affected like has already happened in the past.

"What band? There's no band anymore." And he has nobody to blame but himself for that. He gave it up when he moved in with Jackson after rehab and took that boring job at the supermarket. It was _his_ choice to leave it behind.

"Then for your music. You don't need a band, you've never needed one."

"What I _need_ is _you_. I don't wanna be without you." Stiles says as he walks two steps forward, placing his hands on Jackson's shoulders, but Jackson quickly removes them, steps away from him. He needs to stay away from physical contact if he's gonna do this.

"You don't need me. What you need is to come out of this. To be the artist you've always been. I never wanted you to take that job, you know that. All I wanted was for you to be happy. To stay clean, but _you_ threw it away."

"But I don't..." Stiles hesitates unsure, "I don't think I can do it without you." And Jackson knows exactly what he means, after all he used to think the same. He used to think that meeting Stiles at rehab and going through it together had helped him because he didn't feel alone. He had someone who motivated him to fight everyday, so he knows it must be scary, the thought of doing it alone this time.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could say I believe you." Jackson's voice breaks a little; all the lies and disappointments of the past come back to him and he remembers the feeling all too well. That's why he's had enough, and even if this is without doubt one of the hardest moments of his life, Danny is right. He needs to do this for both himself and Stiles. He needs to break that bond, although he already knows nobody will ever take that place in his heart.

"I can't let you drag me down with you. I've fought too fucking hard to be where I am today." Jackson shakes his head. "Shit. I owe it to myself to stay sober and the more I'm with you, the more I realise that relapsing is a possibility." 

Jackson grabs three folders with the documents of the lawsuit he's working on at the moment and adds them to the other things in the blue bag he usually takes when he's travelling for work.

"I love you," Jackson says with sincerity, "and I was blind. I didn't want to see it... but we aren't good for each other anymore. God, you have to see it too."

"All I see is you kicking me to the curb because I'm not perfect like you. And I'm not strong like you."

Jackson snorts again, "I'm far from perfect. As much as I'd like to be perfect it's been a long time since I found out that I'm not. I royally fucked up my life once and I'm not gonna let myself do it again... not for you and not for anybody else." Sometimes you need to be selfish that way and Jackson can be a selfish asshole when he needs to be. He has practice after all.

"Well, you're perfect to me." And when Stiles looks at him with those adoring eyes, it's almost impossible to say no to him. 

"I know you could have left me time ago and you didn't. And I'm sorry," Stiles removes the tears with his fingers again. "I'm _scared_ and I didn't mean any of that. When I'm scared I don't know what comes out of my mouth, you know that. I must sound terribly pathetic. You probably hate me right now."

"No, I could never hate you," Jackson says with sincerity.

"I'm not stupid, you know? I'm an addict and I'm a loser but I know what I've done. I've lied to you, repeatedly... and I've betrayed your trust to the point where you don't want anything to do with me anymore. Shit, you can't even look me in the eyes anymore... and that..." Stiles runs his fingers through his hair as he bites his lip. 

"Fuck, this is not how it was supposed to end. I've fucked up everything and I've hurt you..." Stiles closes his eyes for a second as he shakes his head. "I've _really_ hurt you, and I'm so sorry... you're the most important person in my life and the things I've done to you... I can never expect you to forgive me. Just believe that, as pathetic as it sound right now, I am sorry."

"I believe you Stiles. Of course, I do. And to be honest, you don't need my forgiveness. You're sick. You need help. And your father and Scott, even Isaac and Liam, they're always gonna be there for you, band or no band, you know that."

"I talked to your father and he knows, so you have a few days to gather your things and then, it's up to. You can either stay with him or Scott... I don't know... think about it. I'll stay with Danny until then."

"What did my father say?" Stiles asks.

"Not much, really. After what happened... he said he wasn't surprised. That he saw it coming. That he understood, basically, and he wished things had turned out different."

"Shit..." Stiles hakes his head, "he really cares about you, y'know? He never liked any of my boyfriends and when he met you, he was impressed from the start." Stiles smiles briefly as he remembers. "I guess he wondered what someone like you was doing with an addict like me."

"I'm an addict too..." Jackson says simply, because that's the truth, he's no better than Stiles and that's not a fair thing to say about their relationship. "We are no different."

"Your father is a good man and he loves you," Jackson continues. "You should live with him and let him help you, okay? Will you do it?"

There's hope in his voice. After everything that has happened, he's never lost hope. Hope that Stiles will come out of this. Only, it can't be him by his side anymore.

"Yeah... yeah, I'll do it." Stiles nods. "You don't have to worry about me anymore."

 _I'll always worry about you, I can't help it_ , Jackson thinks.

"I'm glad to hear that," Jackson says honestly. "You're doing the right thing. And really, you don't need me for what you have to do. I know you can do it this time if you really want to." 

Stiles snorts. "I don't about that. But it's the only thing I can do so... I'll give it a try I guess."

"Okay, I have to go now, I still have stuff to do for work later," Jackson says carrying the bag on his right shoulder as he walks towards the door of the house. 

Stiles follows him in silence and it's the weirdest feeling because he knows the next time he comes back to his house, any trace of Stiles would be probably gone, like if their life together had never happened.

Jackson grabs his car keys, placing them in his pocket before opening the door.

"Call me when..." _How do you say when you are gone from here?_ "You know..." 

"Yeah," Stiles nods, "I'll call you..."

Thank god, Stiles isn't crying or panicking, which is really a relief. It's hard enough as it is. Jackson wonders if he should hug him like he wants to but decides against it because he's not sure he'd let him go after all.

"Okay, take care of yourself," Jackson says as he grabs his suitcase and comes out of the house.

And that is what you usually say to somebody you're saying goodbye, but in this case he really means it and Stiles knows that.

"I will," Stiles says before closing the door.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me [on Tumblr.](http://otg2012.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Read the notes at the top if you haven't.
> 
> * It would be really nice to have some feedback because the kudos don't tell me what you think of the story which is what I want to know.


End file.
